Ask Kairii
by MegamiofMeiun
Summary: After the Sanzo party have entered my world -and my high school- they find that they are stuck helping me with an internship for the local newspaper. Together we'll discover the meaning of life and whatever other things are sent in your "letters".
1. Just Ask Me: I’ll Make Confusion Fun

A/N: Ok, putting it basically, this is a fic where you are…the voices in my head so to speak

A/N: Ok, putting it basically, this is a fic where you are…the voices in my head so to speak. You get to come with me on a magical journey! You can review saying whatever fun stuff you want! And what's better; I'll reply! It's all going in here as part of the plot! Doesn't that sound fun?! So, here goes the prologue:

**Just Ask Me: I'll Make Confusion Fun**

Welcome to Ask Kairii! That's right! Finally a fic where you can say whatever the hell you want to me and I'll reply in a wacky, zany, and most likely uncivil way! YAY!! And even better, the Sanzo party is going to be here as well! Wheee!! So, what are we waiting for?

"Hey, stupid b--, stop with your inner monologue and do whatever the hell it is you're here to do before I shoot you!" Sanzo growled, glaring at me. Somehow the Sanzo party had wound up at my school and were now staying with me! They seem younger here; Sanzo, Gojyo, and Hakkai are like, I dunno, 17 or 18. Goku's only aged down by two years. It's pretty freaking crazy. But it's fun!

Sanzo, although my favorite, doesn't seem to like me much…though I've no clue why not. I'm a reasonable girl…not…ok…whatever…

At this point, we were suffering through a class called choir. Choir used to be fun, but then Nutbar emerged from the deep dark realm of Tartarus (Thanks a lot Cyh Scaevola; thanks to the Irony Gods I'm into mythology.) to torture us all! The guys hate it, basically. Well, except Gojyo. You see, my choir was one of the only classes with room left this late in the year. And my choir is an all girls' choir. Heh heh…

It makes torturing them fun! But then of course Sanzo, lord of all emo a--holes (What am I talking about? Supposedly I'm half emo…hmm…a mystery…So, maybe I mean the title lovingly?) get's all pissy and yells at me and hits me with the fan and threatens to shoot me. Ain't he a sweetheart? So, anyways,

"Kairii!"

Here he goes again. "Yes Sanzo?"

"Focus, God d--!" He commanded.

But I don't wanna! "I'm listening."

"I'm not asking you to listen, God d--! I'm TELLING you to get whatever the hell you needed done, done!"

"Ok, ok!" I sighed. "Jeez! I'm almost done!" I finished unscrewing the screws to her chair, replaced the s-- in the cd player with some My Chemical Romance, mixed up all her papers, and headed for the door with the guys. "There." Yes, we had just screwed with Nutbar and were skipping class. The first time we ditched, Hakkai scolded us. But even he hates Nutbar, and now he skips quite willingly.

"Isn't this a bit much?" Hakkai asked as Gojyo took the handle in his hand and started to turn it.

"Nah. It'll serve the b-- right." Gojyo said, opening the door.

"Oh s--!" I whispered.

"Skipping?" And there, eyebrows raised, was the she-devil herself! God d--! Why?!

"N-n-" Goku started to stutter but Sanzo cut him off.

"Yes. Now move out of the way." They had a glare off for a few minutes –which Sanzo obviously won- before she let out a growl.

"Kairii, rest assured, I'll be calling your mother about this." She smirked like the she-b-- she is.

"I'd rather be grounded my entire life than sit through another one of your s-- sessions." I said under my breath.

"What was that?"

Sanzo gave me that smirk he always gives me when I get in trouble. It was his "ha ha you don't have the balls to stick up for yourself" smirk. Well, y'know what?!

"I said, your class is a pointless waste of time and I'd learn more about singing from a mute rhinoceros from way out west!" I glared into her face. "And you know what else, you need to put down the rock because no one likes your drugged up 'Join hands and let your energies combine' theory! And we're in high school not kindergarten, thank you very much! God, I'm not gonna hold a freaking bee and swallow it!" I panted for air, having ranted quite a bit now.

"Oh my, I do believe she lost it." Hakkai sighed.

"Hell yes I lost it! I'm sick of this s--!" I screamed. The rest of the class, who had been watching all of this quietly, applauded until Nutb-- glared at them. "Call my mom! Do whatever! I'm not coming back to this class until you're gone!" I then shoved her into the wall and walked past her, out the door.

Ok…so…I'm definitely in trouble…I'm in so much trouble…

"That was great, Kairii!" Goku laughed, walking up beside me and giving me a high five.

"Yeah. It was, wasn't it?" I nodded, pleased myself. No matter how much trouble that got me in, it was totally worth it.

"Kairii (censored) to the office please." Came over the intercom.

I sighed. "You guys are lucky no one knows where you came from or anything." We headed to the office and walked in. The lady behind the desk looked up.

"Hello Kairii."

"Hi." I sighed heavily. "So what's the damage?"

"What do you mean, damage?" She asked. "Oh! That? That just happened?" She laughed and smiled at me in utter amusement. "Congratulations; everyone but her officially loves you. We'll make sure the call doesn't go through to your parents and your grade is unaffected by your skipping class." She grinned. "Actually, this is about the internship you applied for."

"Yeah?" I leaned forwards, excited. "Well?"

"You've been signed up to write an advice column." She told me. "It'll be called Ask Kairii and will be in each issue of the paper."

"AWESOMESAUCE!!" I cried. "HUZZAH!"

"That's just what they need; her writing an advice column." Sanzo growled.

"Now now, Mr. Sanzo," The awesome lady behind the desk grinned. "I think it could be very…interesting."

"Interesting?! That doesn't even begin to explain it! It'll be HUZZAHNESS SAUCE!" I cried with joy.

"What kinda advice'll Kai be writing?" Goku –the ever adorable- asked.

"Um…it says here that she'll be doing it all."

"All?" Gojyo asked.

"Yes, Mr. Gojyo," Behind the desk lady sighed. "Even love/sex advice."

"She's a sixteen year old virgin. How's she supposed to do that?" Gojyo asked.

"Just because I've never done it, doesn't mean I don't know about it." I crossed my arms over my chest defiantly.

"Ok, so they're letting a crazy hyperactive person with the attention span of a dying squirrel write advice?! She's just going to confuse people!!" Sanzo tried to reason.

"That may be so," I agreed with a nod. "But I'll make confusion fun."

"Here are the details, Kairii. I can't wait to read your column." She grinned and handed me the papers I needed. "Oh, and by the way, from now on you five are all required to go to the media center during fifth block for Kairii to write her column. You can all help here. You're dismissed until tomorrow." I nodded, led the guys out of the room, and grinned.

"This is gonna be great!" Goku cried. "No more Nutbar!"

"Somehow I have a feeling that this will be much worse."

A/N: So there you have it people! You just send in whatever you want put in here! You can even give me a funny fake name at the end of your letter! Hell, you could even send in a letter that says something like, "My chinchilla ate a torpedo! What do I do?!" And I'll make up a ton of crap! It'll be great! In fact, I think I'll use that letter at some point during chapter 1! Anyways, send in your letters!! Seriously! Kairii wants to answer your questions! So type away! Away! Like the wind!!


	2. In a Simple Way I Love You

**In a Simple Way I Love You:**

I leaned against my locker with a sigh. "Miranda!" I whined.

"Come on. Just walk me to class. Please?!" She begged, pouting.

"Fine." I sighed, slinging my backpack onto my back and my purse over my shoulder. "But I can't stay. I have...business..."

"Business, huh? Which one? The cute one they call monkey?" She smirked.

"Huh?"

"Don't play dumb. You're doin' one of those hot new guys that follow you around, aren't you?" She leaned in close. "You shouldn't be wearing that ring anymore, hmm?"

"THAT'S JUST STUPID!!" Why is it that no one else in this school knows who they are?! Why only me?!

"Uh-huh. Sure." She continued to smirk as she opened the door to the choir room.

"Miranda, you know you're the only one for me," I murmured, pulling her into my arms.

"K-Kairii!" She gasped.

"Hush now." I whispered against the skin of her neck. "There will never be anyone else.

Just when I was getting into the groove of things, she burst out laughing. "Kai, that was great!" She giggled. She then hugged me tight.

"It would've been better if you had been able to play along." I shook my head and sighed. "See ya."

"Kairii, where do you think you're going?" Nutbar demanded, stamping her foot angrilly.

"To do my job. I am now to report to the media center every day during fifth block so as to answer letters for my advice column in the gazette. If you'd like help extracting your foot from your mouth I'm sure your father Satan would have no problem in aiding you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to be late." And with a smirk on my face I headed up to the media center.

"What took ya so long?" Goku asked as I plopped down in one of the comfy chairs, turning on my laptop and waiting for it to boot up.

"Sorry." Was my only reply as I stretched my arms and cracked my knuckles. "So...Um..."

"Here. These are for you." Sanzo let a stack of letters fall on the table in front of me. "Have fun."

"Oh no you don't, Mr. Behind the Desk Lady said you had to help me. And I think it's time you paid up for all your dumb a-- remarks, making me cook for you, and living in my house. So you're going to sit down and get in touch with your sensative side." I said, pointing to one of the other comfy chairs in the circle around the round table.

Sanzo glared at me. "Ok, listen here and listen good; no one no one takes that tone with me!"

"Now now, Sanzo; it is only fair that we help her." Hakkai said reasonably, taking a seat in one of the chairs.

"Besides; it could be fun!" Goku sat in the seat on my left.

"Ah, why not?" Gojyo plopped down in the chair across the table from mine.

With a sigh, Sanzo sat between Goku and Hakkai. "Fine. Let's get this over with."

"Ok. The first letter I pick up is the one we answer, ok?" I said. Everyone nodded. I picked up a random letter and opened it. "Here goes. It says:

_Dear Kairii,_

_ I really like this guy at my school, but I don't know how to ask him out or what to say. And I'm not sure when would be the right time to do it._ _I'm not used to asking people out or being asked out myself, and I could really use your help. Please help me, Kairii-san. _

_Patriot 16_

"What is it with girls and their stupid obsession with 'love'?!" Sanzo demanded.

"What is it with you and being an a--hole?!" I retorted.

"I think that Patriot 16 should go out, buy herself some really sexy leingure(Sp?) and sneak into his house. Then she should wait for him on his bed. That is always a good kick off for a relationship." Gojyo grinned. The sad thing is, I think he was being totally serious.

"Gojyo, if I weren't afraid of being scarred for life because I had to see your...y'know... I would castrate you. With a spork." I informed him.

"Oh, you'd love to see it and you know it." He smirked.

"Well, maybe she could make him lunch..." Goku suggested.

"I don't know, Goku. This could be a much more difficult problem."

They were all making this more difficult than they needed to.

"Listen, all she needs to do is be herself." Both Sanzo and I said in unison. The others all blinked at me.

"Patriot said _Kairii-san_ not Sanzo, therefore it was my idea, and I win." I cracked my knuckles once more and opened up a word document, ready to type the reply to Patriot 16's letter.

_Dear Patriot 16,_

_ In regards to your question about how to ask out the guy you like, the first thing to keep in mind is to always be yourself. Remember that it is always important to be true to who you are, and if a guy likes you for someone you aren't really, then he doesn't really like you at all, and it wasn't meant to be. The next step is just to be calm. I know that being near your crush can make you all jittery and nervous, but the thing to remember is that he is just a person, just like you and me. Next, be confident. Telling yourself he's going to say no and believing it will only show in the way you behave. Guys like girls who are confident and can believe in themselves. Finally, remember that no matter what the outcome, it was worth the risk. It is better to have taken a chance and be met naught than not to take a chance at all. But also remember the more you respect yourself the more others respect you. When you see yourself as beautiful, others will see you that way as well. Let your personality shine through and I'm sure the outcome will be good. But here's a warning; it is better to ask them yourself, in person, than through a note, or asking a friend to ask them out for you. Always remember; confidence is key.  
I hope I've managed to help you with your problem at least a little,  
Here for you always,  
Kairii._

Having finished my work, I leaned back and stretched out my arms again. "Nothing like a job well done."

"I still think she should have offered herself as some sort of kinky sacrifice." Gojyo muttered.

"You're stupid." Hakkai, Sanzo, Goku, and I all said together.

"Do you think it will work?" Goku asked.

"Who knows?" I shrugged.

"She can't guaruntee it will work, Goku. She has no control over anyone's heart. The only thing she can do is give them advice to steer them in the right direction." Hakkai explained.

"I hope it does work out, though." I said. "I like happy endings."

"You're stupid too." Sanzo told me.

"You know what Sanzo? So's your face." And with that I laughed, closed my laptop, and hoped for the best.

* * *

A/N: So, first off, I would like to thank Patriot 16 for sending me my first question! I actually really enjoy giving advice to people and trying to help them. So I hope that this helped you at least a little. Good luck with your crush. I really hope it works out. And be sure to let me know how things turn out, ok?

So, who will send in their letters next? I'm also putting in letters from my friends at school (most of which will be crazy) so there won't be a huge lull between chapters or anything. Um, so, anyways, I hope that you enjoyed this chapter, and maybe it will help others as well.

Love always,  
Kairii♥


	3. The Fellowship of the Advice Column

A/N: Well, thank you Patriot 16 for sending in another question, and I promise to answer that one soon, but I got in another question that I thought sounded a bit more urgent, so I'll be answering that one first.

**The Fellowship of the Advice Column: **(Sorry, we're reading and watching LOTR in school, so...)

"Man! People sure responded well to the last column!" Goku grinned as we stared at the pile of letters in front of us.

"Oh, joy." Sanzo said in monotone.

"Come now, it's not so bad." Hakkai reasoned.

"Yeah. No where near as bad as Nutbar." Gojyo sighed in content.

"You guys ready? Here's our letter." I picked one, opened it, and read.

_Dear Kairii,_

_When I was a kid, my father tried to pay my stepdad to adopt me so he  
wouldn't have to pay child support. Then he pretty much told me that he didn't  
want me in his life. A few weeks ago, he contacted me through email saying  
that he knew he was a bad father and he wanted things to change between us. I  
am torn between giving him a chance or not. I mean my life had been happy  
without him. I've had lots of father figures and I hold alot of resentment  
towards him that surfaced when he contacted me. What do you think I should do?_

_Sincerely,  
xHakumeix_

"Aww...poor xHakumeix." Goku frowned adorably.

I thought long and hard about the problem presented to me, trying to decide what I would do in the situation.

"Hmm...this is a very difficult one..." Hakkai said quietly.

Gojyo shook his head. "No kid should have to go through that."

"What are you thinking, Kairii?" Hakkai questioned.

"Well, I'm not fully sure..." I replied truthfully.

"You're probably asking yourself the wrong question." Sanzo sighed, causing me to look up from my laptop in shock. "The question you should be asking is, why does he want to get in contact with her so bad."

I thought about this. "Well, he has to have a reason..." I agreed.

"Wow Sanzo, you sure are being helpful lately." Gojyo mused. "I thought you hated every minute of this."

"I do. The faster she comes up with an answer, the sooner I don't have to put up with this." He sighed again.

"Ahh. Makes sense." Gojyo nodded.

"So, what now, Kairii?" Goku asked. I tapped my chin in deep thought.

"I think I know just the thing." I cracked my knuckles and then turned to my trusty laptop.

_Dear xHakumeix,_

_In regards to your relations with your father and putting myself in your position,  
__I figure that you should probably give him a chance. You should hear him out and  
find out why he's become so desperate to meet up with you. It could truly be that  
he feels bad for not being there for you before and wants to make things right. This  
does not, however, mean you have to take it lying down. You need to stand up for  
yourself and tell him just how you feel. Explain that you're hurt. Explain that you're  
upset. You don't have to be cruel, but you don't have to let him walk all over you either.  
And even if he has changed but you're not ready to forgive him, that's fine. Just remember  
that every voice deserves to be heard. Even his. I hope that this advice is of help to  
your situation._

_Sincerely,  
Kairii_

I sighed, having finished my letter. "I really hope this helps."

"Mm." Goku nodded.

"Well, I'm going to hand this off to Behind the Desk Lady and then...I dunno...do somethin'. You're welcome to tag along if you like." I offered.

"Pff." Sanzo snorted. "Like hell. I'm going home and going to bed."

"Yes. I should like a rest as well." Hakkai nodded.

"That movie with Jessica Alba is on tonight. Man, she's sexy." Gojyo grinned like a perv.

"Fine. Be that way." I made my way down the stairs, handed off my column, and started walking to my locker.

"Kairii! Hey Kairii!" I turned to see Goku running up to me. I couldn't help but smile. He's just so cute!

"Yeah?"

"Can I come with you?" He pleaded.

"Yeah sure. We can go hang out somewhere and then grab something to eat." I smiled again. He's so darn cute!

"Good." He smiled sweetly. "Kairii, I'm glad we're best friends."

"You know what, Goku." I took his hand in mine. "So am I."

* * *

A/N: I'm sorry it took so long to update. I've had a ton of school work lately. Um, so, I really hope the advice helped. And please, feel free to keep me informed. So, I'm thinking of making the next chapter a multiple letter chapter. I have a lot to catch up on. My friend at school has written some letters for me that are, well, to put it simply, insanely hillarious. So, I'll have to answer those.

Aww! A cute Goku moment! Hey, should I make a pairing, or leave as is? Let me know. And send in letters!


	4. Mama

A/N: Happy Mother's day. This'll be a quick chap, but this message was important, so I knew I had to reply to it immediately.

**Mama:**

I sat in the library alone. The guys hadn't come today, and while I was lonely, I knew I had business to do. I opened a letter and read.

_Dear Kairii,_

I lost my mother 11 years ago when I was still a child, so I find it pretty  
hard to cope with Mothers' Day. Last year, I couldn't stop crying, even in  
public. The promotions of sales for the special day don't help. I don't have  
an older sister to talk to, and I don't want to burden my friends or female  
relatives on the day when they want to have a nice day with their loved ones.  
What should I do to make each Mothers' Day easier to cope with?

Yasusen Luva

I opened my laptop and quickly began typing. If I went fast enough, it should be published soon enough.

_Dear Yasusen Luva,_

_I'm very sorry for your lost. It's very understandable that you're still upset  
even though it's been so long because mothers make such a huge impact  
on all of our lives. But I do have some ideas of some things you may be  
able to do to make things a bit easier. First off, you could start a tradition  
of going to visit her grave every year. Sit there and talk to her. Tell her how  
your life has gone and tell her all your problems. Let her know how you feel.  
Even though she's not there living, she's still watching over you and she'll  
hear you. Another thing you could do is make her a card every year. Once again,  
even though she isn't there physically, it will still show that you love her and think  
about her, and it will allow you to vent your emotions. And remember, it's ok to cry  
and be sad. There's nothing wrong with that. Humans are emotional beings and  
keeping those emotions in will only make matters worse. I hope I've been of  
help to you and I hope that this Mother's day won't be as hard on you as  
those before._

_Forever,  
Kairii_

I finished my letter, printed it off, and handed it in, hoping that it would make it in time for Yasusen Luva to be able to read.

* * *

A/N: Well, there's the chap. I really really hoped this helps and want you to know that you'll be in my prayers.


	5. Mmhmm And How Does That Make You Feel?

A/N: GAAAHH!! I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN LIKE, FOREVER!! FORGIVE ME!! These letters were written by my crazy friend at school. And so, Kari, this one's for you.

**Chapter (gah! I don't know how to count that high!): Mmhmm...And How Does That Make You **_**Feel**_**?**

I sighed as I stretched out in the chair next to Increda-Chimp. That's right. Increda-Chimp.

"Increda-Chimp! I'm bored! Where're my letters?!" I whined, leaning over so that I was draped over both of our chairs and his lap.

"My name isn't Increda-Chimp!" He insisted.

"Your superhero name is. INCREDA-CHIMP, AWAY!" I giggled.

"But why me?" He whined.

"Oh, it's not just you. There's also Monocle-Man, Pissy-Priest, and… … ... Hopeless-Waste-of-Air-Man!" Now Goku joined me in laughing. "See? It's amusing and you know it."

"What about you? What's your superhero name?" Goku asked.

"I don't have one." I told him.

"Why noooooooooooot?!" He whined.

"Because I'm a Super Villain." I replied.

"I wanna be a villain too!"

"Ok then…your new name is…" I stopped as a thought struck me a broke into a fit of giggles. "Mojo Jojo!"

"Huh?"

"Oh, there's this show called the Powerpuff Girls and their nemesis is a monkey named Mojo Jojo." I told him.

"Not funny." He mock glared.

"Nope. It's hilarious." I grinned. "Ok. How about…The Dark Chimp?"

"Why does it have to be monkey related?"

"Ok. Fine. Um…you are now...KITTEN-LAD!"

He pouted. "You enjoy being mean, don't you?"

"Sure. We'll go with that." I grinned cheekily up at him. After a few minutes, he couldn't help but grin back.

_She wants to touch me_

_Woo ooh!_

_She wants to love me_

_Woo ooh!_

_She'll never leave me_

_Woo ooh! _

_Woo ooh ooh hoo!_

_Don't trust a hoe_

_Never trust a hoe_

_Won't trust a hoe_

_Cuz the hoe won't trust me!_

I felt a blush tint my cheeks as suddenly this song was pounding over the intercom. Dammit! Where was Gojyo hiding?!

OH, THAT'S IT, HOPELESS-WASTE-OF-AIR-MAN WAS **SOO** GOING TO DIE!!

"What is that darn kappa up to?" Goku was surprisingly calm. Maybe he didn't get what Gojyo was eluding to?

And what really sucked was that he was using a good song to do so!

The song stopped and there was silence for a little bit. Then the door to the library opened and in came Gojyo, grinning like the Anti-Christ on Paris Hilton's birthday (You know, I think I like that one a lot). I sat up and lifted an eyebrow.

"How long of a head start do you want? Maximum's a minute."

His smirk fell as he realized that I'm basically psychopathic and probably meant it. With that, he dashed out the door.

"Wait! Goj-! Greeeeat." I sighed. "Where are Sanzo and Hakkai?" I asked Goku.

He avoided my eyes. "They said they were skipping again today. Sanzo said something about a leave of absence for his mental health."

"Wah!" I pouted. "That's so mean!"

"I'm still here." Goku reminded me.

I smiled. "I know. Thanks for that, KITTEN-LAD!"

He rolled his eyes and fought hard not to laugh or smile. "Can you not call me that?"

"Well, c'mon! You're not letting me have any fun with these nicknames. At least give me a little to work with." I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Why can't it be something nice?" Was it just me or was there more color to his cheeks all of a sudden?

"Ok. How about ADORA-CHIMP!?"

His shoulders slouched. "I give up."

I smiled softly. "It's probably better that way. Now, let's get down to a few letters." I pulled out my laptop and booted it up while Goku grabbed the stack of letters.

After a few moments he spoke, almost nervously, in a quiet voice. "Um...Kai?"

"Yeah?"

"You seem to have a...number one fan..." He held up a huge stack of letters, all of them addressed from the same person, their envelopes decorated with fun designs.

"Well, she's dedicated. Let's answer at least a few of them." I opened the first letter.

"_Dear Kairii,_

_I have a problem...well, actually...I have lots of problems, _

_but my psychiatrist says I can only ask one. So, I think this is it._

_Question: I drank gasoline (it was a dare) so if I swallow a match..._

_will I blow up? *Gasps* I just realized that our names are almost _

_the same. See? Kairii. Ka__i__ri__i__ Kari! Are you my long lost wife?! _

_Oh my Buddha! I can't ask any more questions! I'm so sorry!_

_Buddha forgive me!_

_Love...I think..._

_Kari"_

"Holy- that girl is more buckets of crazy than you!" Goku exclaimed, genuinely shocked.

"Gee thanks bud. I love you too." I said, sarcasm dripping from my voice. I put my fingers to the keyboard. "Let's have some fun, Goku."

"But when I asked Sanzo if I could steal your Burger King Crown he said it's not good to have fun at the expense of the mentally unstable." He said, trying to seem innocent.

"This is revenge for the nicknames, isn't it?" I asked.

"1,2,3, KING!" He cried, laughing.

"IT'S NOT MY FAULT MIRANDA PUSHED ME OVER AND STOLE MY CROWN!!" I wailed.

Long story short, I was traumatized by Miranda once when she stole my Burger King Crown. I've never been the same.

"_Dear Kari,_

_Well, I'm not really sure if the gasoline would make you_

_explode or not. BUT I DON'T WANT YOU TO BLOW UP AND _

_DIE IF WE'RE LONG LOST NEWLYWEDS! Was I drunk that_

_night? I can't remember the color of my wedding dress...Or the _

_sex...Was it good? I'll have to take your word for it. Oh, and I_

_hate psychiatrists, so feel free to ask as many questions as you _

_like. ___

_Definitely love_

_Kairii"_

"Wow...I'm not touching that one with a ten foot pole." Goku shook his head.

"Whatever. Let's read her next letter."

"_Dear Kairii,_

_I'm technically not supposed to be writing this letter_

_but we're lovers right? So it's ok isn't it? Anyways, I just _

_wondered if there's some sort of monkey sitting next to _

_you when you write all these advice letters? Because my_

_incredible __amphibian__ chimp sensing powers bestowed upon_

_me by Buddha made me think that maybe there was. By the _

_way, don't eat the tacos on Tuesday. They'll give you _

_indigestion._

_Your loving wife(?)_

_ Kari"_

I grinned. "Wanna touch this one before I do, Goku?"

"Don't you dare!" He threatened.

"Ahem!

_Dear Kari,_

_Actually, there is indeed a monkey sitting beside me_

_as I reply to all these letters. His name is INCREDA-CHIMP/_

_THE DARK CHIMP/KITTEN-LAD!/ADORA-CHIMP! Also _

_known as my best friend Goku. He's pretty fun (better than_

_Pissy-Priest or Hopeless-Waste-of-Air-Man. They don't help_

_answer these at all!) So yes, there is a monkey. And it's totally_

_great for you to write me letters. I like letters. Like the letter_

_circle. That's my favorite letter. Oh, by the way, how did you_

_know that Tuesday is going to be taco day?_

_Your soul mate_

_Kairii"_

"You're awful!" Goku cried, shaking his head.

"Aww, c'mon Goku. I said you were my best friend, didn't I?"

"It doesn't matter!" He crossed his arms over his chest and pouted.

"Fine!" I growled, then went to the next letter.

"_Dear Kairii,_

_Will you put your favorite school picture in the next article?_

_This one was a quickie. ;) _

_Your obedient slave_

_ Kari"_

"C'mon. Let's go grab one of the yearbooks." I stood up and made my way towards the yearbook records room and he followed suit, closing the door behind us. Suddenly there was a click. I turned to look at him. "Was that what I thought it was?"

He jiggled the handle frantically. It didn't budge. "Yep." He nodded, his eyes wide and terrified.

HOLY KANZEON BOSATSU! I WAS LOCKED IN A SMALL ROOM WITH GOKU!

Shakily, I sat at the table in the middle of the room. "They'll find us in a few minutes." I nodded to him. "Just watch."

He sat down as well, seeming panicked. We watched the little digital clock above the door, knowing the truth all to well. No one was coming.

"Great. Just great." He finally muttered.

"Well gee, I'm so glad to be stuck here with you too, Goku." I said sarcastically, feeling a bit hurt for no apparent reason. It's not like he was even being mean or anything.

What's been going on with me lately?!

"That's not what I meant!" He tried to tell me, shaking his head. "I just meant that we're trapped!"

I said nothing. I had realized, much to my horror, what the problem very well may have been. _'Am I falling for Goku?'_

"Kai..." He said after a while.

"What?" I looked up, but not into his eyes. I didn't think I could meet them right now.

"I...I really...I..." He blushed. I know he did!

"Spit it out, KITTEN-LAD!" I told him.

"IREALLYLIKEYOUALOT!" He blurted. I blinked.

Seeing as I'm A.D.H.D. I easily understood his fast talk.

He said, "I really like you a lot."

OH MY KANZEON BOSATSU! HE SAID HE REALLY LIKES ME A LOT!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH MY BUDDHA SANZO!

HE SAID HE REALLY LIKES ME A LOT!!

My mouth dropped open and I tried feebly to mutter something out. I finally managed to choke out a "I...you...me...like...really..." I tried hard to regain use of my brain.

"I really do. I know that you think I'm just the silly monkey kid and all but you mean a lot to me. And I-"

"Goku." YAY! I CAN TALK AGAIN! He looked at me nervously. "Just shut up and kiss me already."

And that's how we came to be against the wall of the yearbook record room with our tongues shoved into each other's mouths. It was pretty freaking awesome. Freaking EPIC! That boy tastes GOOD! Then again, he does eat a lot...he's bound to taste like food...

Anyways, by the time we were done sucking face and tried the door again, it worked. Come to find out, it was a lockdown drill. However, after her knowing about Tuesday being taco day, I couldn't help but credit it to Kari. And so, my last letter of the day read,

"_Dear Kari,_

_Thanks._

_Forever in your debt_

_ Kairii"_

"You know what, who needs the others!" I closed down my laptop, turned in the article, and took my new boyfriend's hand as we began to walk home.


End file.
